Excuses, excuses!

Excuse: I’m not in good enough shape to do _____.

Reality: Well, OK, I am not in good enough shape for a lot of things. Getting more to the heart of the matter, though, is that I am terrified of injuring myself (or pushing myself so hard that I am too sore for following work-outs). I am so afraid of halting the process that I am going to a bit of an extreme the other way and not pushing myself. An example is the 20 minute run on Sunday – the 20 minutes itself was a push, but I could have pushed myself to run it a 4.5mph pace rather than 4.2mph. And if I am truly honest with myself, I probably wouldn’t have been any more sore than I ended up being these past two days after running it at the 4.2mph speed. This also holds true with my mind-set around supplemental work-outs on my non-running days. “What if I do too much and can’t run tomorrow?” Oy. One would think that the impatient, I-want-it-now part of me would be all over doing more, going farther, pushing on…it is like a tug-of-war happening non-stop in my head.

Excuse: Neil is here and since I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like I should spend time with him rather than run/walk/go do what needs doing.

Reality: Neil is a wonderful man whom I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. However, he is also self-sufficient and I am sure we would both survive for another 30-45 minutes without the other (the man loves to read…I am sure there are many a book that could fill his time). Heck, I use this excuse with housework that needs doing when he is here, what made me think I wouldn’t do the same with the exercising? I bet he’d even go for a walk with the dogs with me if I asked him…I just need to ask.

Excuse: Just one more bowl/helping/handful/serving of _____ won’t hurt.

Reality: I have no self-control with food. If it is in front of me, I will eat it. Especially if it is salty – chips, crackers, dill pickles, dark chocolate with sea-salt… I need to get  better about portioning my food. Even if it is good/healthy food, too much is too much. And then there are the days when I eat next to nothing (which is still a problem for me, particularly when I travel). My poor metabolism doesn’t know what to do with itself. And I’ve no idea why lately vegetables don’t even cross my mind. I love veggies! I need to make more of an effort to include them in my meal planning.

All of this stuff rolls around my head every day. I haven’t even looked to see what 5k/short runs are taking place around the holidays. I am worried that I won’t be able to run that far by then. I don’t know why I think I need to run the whole thing. I am afraid of being secretly laughed at. I don’t want to be the last person to finish (though someone is always last). I don’t want to be the fat girl everyone looks at and wonders why she’s there at all. I am also not sleeping well. Anxiety. It happens. You’d think with my logical tendencies that it wouldn’t be such a problem, but I’ve never figured out how to get my worries and my logic to work together. It is the ‘what-ifs’ that are killing me. What if I can’t run a 5k? What if I can’t finish the 1/2 in March? What if I let my friends (and myself) down?

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

With all of that off my chest – I finished week six, day one today. Five-minute warm-up, five-minute jog, two-minute walk, eight-minute jog, two-minute walk, five-minute jog, three-minute cool-down (only three minutes of cool-down time included on the ‘mill – I continued walking and moving around the house for a good five to ten minutes beyond that). I still have to keep my walks at around 3mph on the treadmill due to the sheer agony walking on the ‘mill causes my shins. It is the only time they hurt now. As I stated above, I need to push myself a little harder on the runs. We’ll see how the 25 minute run goes on Sunday. If it is a real struggle I may repeat this week and not week seven. I don’t know why I thought I would need to repeat week seven, anyway. I don’t see the need, so I am no longer planning on it.

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8 thoughts on “Excuses, excuses!

  1. I think it’s good to have a plan laid out. You can anticipate what to expect. You know I totally get that. But it’s also good to be flexible within that plan. You can’t predict (even though it would be awesome if you could) what may or may not happen within a plan. You may end up ahead of schedule. You may end up behind.

    Fear of success. It seems like that’s part of what you have. I think it comes with fear of failure. If you do succeed will there be even more expectations? You know you can and should push yourself but sometimes it’s easier having doubts, even if you don’t like them either.

    I TOTALLY get your questioning whether or not you can run a 5k. If I were training for one I’d be training so that I could run four miles before even entering a 5k. I’d want to know that I could do more than a 5k to ensure that I’d be able to complete a 5k. Even though Andrew says (and most distance runners do this) you can train for a shorter distance and know that your body can be pushed a bit more. Nope, not me. Before I set out to do something like that I want to make sure I can do it.

    I know I’ve said this before but I wish we lived closer (actually I wish I lived closer to a lot of my online buddies) so that we could at least walk together. It’s hard enough doing what you’re doing and doing it on your own (without nearby support) is just another factor.

    I think you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished so far. You’ve had a plan and you’ve stuck with it even with some adjusting. You’re blogging about it and being honest with your thoughts, feelings, and evaluation. That’s a big step right there!

    • But I WANT to predict…I want to know it all. Now! LOL And yeah, I am with you…I feel like I want to run 4 miles to know that I can for sure do 3.1. And yet, it totally makes sense to me that for longer runs like the 1/2 marathon, you can train for shorter distances knowing you can push through for the race. Mostly I am a mental mess. 🙂

      And thank you! I am proud of what I’ve accomplished so far…mostly I just need to air this stuff out sometimes before I crash from hanging on to it all.

  2. Don’t be afraid to do a 5k before you can run the whole thing! I’m doing a small one on Saturday and I’ll have just finished Week 5 of C25k! Especially if it is a “fun” or “family” type 5k…..there will always be lots of walkers or people with strollers so if you run even a step of it you are NOT going to finish last! I really like having a race to aim for. I think it helps to have a goal and keeps my eating/exercise in check.

    And I agree with you that learning self-control with food is SO difficult. I have major problems with binging. I’ve made it 11 weeks without a major binge which is HUGE to me. It used to be that if there was cookies or chocolate or something tasty in the house…..I would obsess over it. I wouldn’t be able to get my mind OFF of it until I ate IT ALL. And then of course the self-loathing and guilt would come.

    Someone brought cookies to work today. And I ate one. But then I stopped. It felt amazing to be able to say “No thanks Mr. Cookie! You are very yummy but I’ve had enough.” I think back to when I was a kid and I NEVER wanted to gorge myself, because there were always so many other fun things to do besides eating. And then I flash forward to this summer when I was just sitting on the couch every night after work eating a bag of chocolate after dinner.

    I think we just have to be comfortable with the idea that we will have bad days. I’m not saying that I’ll never have another day without a binge. I just want the GOOD days to outnumber the bad. And I’m hopeful that it will happen.

    • Hear hear! I am with you on wanting the good days to outnumber the bad ones…and really, for the most part they are. I’m just having one of those weeks where I want it to all be perfect, all the time, right now. (Not that it ever will be.)

      So here’s to one-day-at-a-time…and this weekend I am going to look for a 5k to participate in (though registration will have to wait until payday). 🙂

  3. You are doing really well. I have all the same fears. I actually finished a 5K this summer, won a medal for second place in my age group and found at the same time I was oh 3rd or 4th from last.

    One thing that I would recommend is to plan at least one walk stop in the 5K race for water and to catch your breath. Now that I have my new medicine I can now run 3-4 miles without stopping, but I still take walk breaks. Heck I took about 4 today on a 3 mile run. the Hills were killing me.

    You are doing much better with food than I am. I tend to still reward myself with pizza when I do the long runs and recently I think I won a record for eating the most pancakes at the all you can eat special at Ihop (plus eggs, and sausage, and and and). I think you have a lot of challenges with all the travel you do. I can never keep on track if I am traveling. And I have huge food phobia, and some weight to lose, not really fun!

    Niel would probably totally walk the dogs with you. if you want to!

    You can do this, and you know, one thing you might consider is doing part of the workout at 4.2 and then upping a part to 4.4 or so…so that you increase gently. And don’t worry, no matter what you do you aren’t going to disappoint me, we are going to have a nice time, enjoy the beach and the food! Oh man, we have to register and then decide about hotels!

    • You have NO idea how happy it makes me to hear you say you take walk breaks even on your “short” runs! I feel this pressure that I need to run the entire distance (internal pressure…no one has ever said anything to make me think they think that). Hopefully, once I get through this week which has been rough all the way around my mental state around the running will be better too.

      Ohhhhh pancakes!!! Yesterday I was craving biscuits with gravy and bacon and eggs….thankfully I didn’t have any of the stuff to make it and there’s nowhere nearby that serves that or I would have caved! Next week will be a real challenge – I am in a different hotel/city each night Monday through Wednesday night…and they are all small towns in the middle-of-nowhere Virginia. Food options might be interesting.

      Registration! I’ve managed to botch up my budget until payday on Nov 12…but I have planned in the fee and have it on my calendar to complete the registration and be done with that part of it! I’ll also look to see if Hilton has any properties in the area of the race…if so, I have LOTs and LOTs of points to use on rooms for us all. 🙂

  4. Oh my, I could have written much of what you blogged about…I ran my first 5K last month and was worried that people would wonder “what is SHE doing here?”, there were over 5,000 participants and I was amazed at the support I received. I didn’t run the entire race altho that had been my original plan when I registered, but I did finish…and that was just the best feeling!! You can do this!

    • Thanks so much for the kind comments! And congratulations on entering and finishing your first 5K! This weekend I think I will hunt around online and see what is coming up around Thanksgiving…we must have some sort of local Turkey Trot. 🙂

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